Savants

         If you say to them,

         "November 6, 1904?"

         they will answer, "Tuesday,"

         and they are always right.

         "Calendric savants," they're called,

         a subset of idiot savants.

         Usually they're retarded,

         frequently autistic,

         but they have this one curious skill,

         infallible.

         How would their talent work?

         I picture something

         whirring in the mind

         as in an old movie,

         pages of a calendar flipping

         to indicate passage of time

         but calibrated,

         abacus-like, till, "Saturday.

         Pretty smart, aren't I?"

         "You sure are,"

         and I can almost believe

         that it's just some weird skill,

         like Professor Backwards,

         except that in 1582

         when the calendar went from Julian to Gregorian

         ten days in October were skipped

         arbitrarily--

         and if you ask the savants

         for a date in September, 1582,

         they get it right,

         they adjust for the missing days.

         Explain that with your

         flipping Franklin Planner.

         What do calendric savants answer

         when the given date

         is one of the missing days?

         Probably, "Never."

         How to explain their talent?

         I think some laughing god

         encoded a riddle in their DNA

         for the rest of us to worry at.

         I think the answer to the riddle is,

         "Never."  We're never going to

         figure it all out.

         Still and all, calendrics are no more

         outlandish than our present crop of

         politicians, who know intuitive

         and speak upon request

         precisely those half-truths

         that fifty-one percent

         of voters arbitrarily

         want to hear.

        "Tax cut. Welfare reform.

         There is no class war.

         First Tuesday in November.

         Pretty smart, aren't I?"